Chaos: Ain’t it Lovely?

I recently preached this at the Unitarian Universalist Church in Eugene.

Have you ever had a day that was so bad… so frustrating that it made you question everything? You got a phone call or had an epiphany about something that was the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back, and suddenly you were ready to quit your job, to start a new life by driving across the country fueled by nothing more than those little powdered sugar donuts and Tic-Tacs and mountain dew?

Good. If you did, I’d be worried because that was fairly specific.


The word makes me uncomfortable to even say. On a few occasions, *life* has really shown up at my door – you know the way it does that sometimes…. One minute, you’re cruising along, reasonably happy, the AC works in the car, your friends and family are making good choices, you’re thinking of taking up a new hobby – maybe trombone lessons, and then in an instant, someone or something hits a giant reset button and it’s as if the oxygen has been sucked out of the room. On your heels, not knowing what to do, everything you thought you knew about how life was supposed to go turns out to be wrong.

I’ve used the word “Chaos” to describe this state… randomness, disorder, “when things fall apart.” It turns out that, strictly speaking, I was wrong.

Recently I saw an article titled, “Is the Universe Conscious?” published by NBC News. The article was triggered by an amazing paper by veteran physicist Gregory Matloff called, “Can Panpsychism become an observational science?”

This was one of those, ‘down the rabbit hole’ experiences that saw me swept up in research around astrophysics, chaos theory, and the parallels between science and religion.

Now, we’re at church and I just said the word astrophysics. This is one of my favorite parts of our faith. We get to worship while honoring our fourth Unitarian Universalist principle: “A free and responsible search for truth and meaning,” and living into one of our sources: “Humanist teachings which counsel us to heed the guidance of reason and the result of science, and warn us against idolatries of the mind and spirit.”

My other favorite part of our faith? Proving that we’ve got it all wrong too! “…Heed the guidance of reason and the result of science, and warn us against idolatries of the mind and spirit.” … As if science, and mind, and spirit can’t coexist or can’t all be looking at the same thing from different angles!

It’s Chaos!

Wait…. No it isn’t … it’s what I thought chaos was…

According to Ralph Abraham, PhD, and professor of mathematics at U.C. Santa Cruz,

“The word chaos occurred for the first time in Hesiod, around 800 B.C., at the beginning of the Orphic tradition of ancient Greece. The word appeared in his Theogony, which was about the creation of the gods and goddesses one by one. The three main deities were Chaos, Gaia, and Eros.
This first time the word appeared in literature, it had nothing to do with what we now mean by chaos in the English language and in ordinary life. At that time, it meant a sort of gaping void between heaven and Earth out of which form emerged. Creation came out of chaos, but chaos did not mean disorder or anything negative; it only meant a gaping void.”

A gaping void between heaven and earth….

So, our lives sometimes descend into chaos, but chaos isn’t necessarily what we think it is…

Fast forward to a more contemporary topic: chaos theory. Currently one of the more scintillating topics at cocktail parties everywhere!

According to the non-profit Fractal Foundation, Chaos is the science of surprises, of the nonlinear and the unpredictable. It teaches us to expect the unexpected. While most traditional science deals with supposedly predictable phenomena like gravity, electricity, or chemical reactions, Chaos Theory deals with nonlinear things that are effectively impossible to predict or control, like turbulence, weather, the stock market, our brain states, and so on. These phenomena are often described by fractal mathematics, which captures the infinite complexity of nature.

This is all heady stuff. Names like Johannes Keppler, Isaac Newton, Albert Einstein, and Niels Bohr devoted careers to searching for the meaning of it all…. The one theory or answer to that oldest of questions: Where do we come from? Sure, the question looks different, depending who’s doing the asking, but this branch of science is fascinated with what I think of as a religious question… So, as an amateur theologian, I had to laugh when I read this by Astrophysicist Robert Jastrow:

“For the Scientist who has lived by faith in the power of her reason, the story ends like a bad dream. She has scaled the mountains of ignorance; and is about to conquer the highest peak; as she pulls herself over the final rock, she is greeted by a small band of theologians, who have been sitting there for centuries.”

Theologians can be quite convinced of our divine origins, you see…

So what does this mean to the person around whom their predictable, well-planned world has just been collapsed by a cancer diagnosis, or betrayal, or by violence?

One of the truths to which we are called is that we humans, while far from having all the answers, are not without hope. When we get it right––or are just plain lucky––when we come to one of life’s inflection points where everything changes in an instant, there is love.

Maybe it’s because we’ve given ourselves to this communal experience and invested in meaningful relationships with others. Maybe it’s because we’ve driven away every single friend and loved one in our lives, and yet, a stranger is there anyway- with a cup of coffee, or a napkin to wipe off the powdered sugar from all those donuts that’s now mixed with tears.

Chaos theory says, “No matter what you think, you don’t have this figured out”

Love says, “yes, and I don’t have to.”

Do you remember that NBC article, “Is the Universe Conscious?”

In it, the author cites Gregory Matloff’s paper which argues that, “humans may be like the rest of the universe in substance and in spirit.

First, the “in substance” part: Carl Sagan was fond of saying, “We are made of star stuff…. We are a way for the cosmos to know itself.” Sagan was a brilliant scientist who loved making the connection between the origins of the Universe and our own origins.

Though he died in 1996, he was prescient in that statement… “We are a way for the cosmos to know itself.”

Because Matloff’s paper goes on:

“A “proto-consciousness field” could extend through all of space, he argues. Stars may be thinking entities that deliberately control their paths. Put more bluntly, the entire cosmos may be self-aware.”

What would this mean? It certainly brings new life to the notion of an interdependent web of all existence of which we are a part!

If the universe itself is conscious / consciousNESS, then the divide between science and theology is an artifice. Imagine an all-pervading field of energy from which our consciousness arises, and to which it returns. This kind of metaphysical research may point us to greater knowing of the nature of existence. Carl Sagan explained that we are made of the very same hydrogen that was present at the beginning of the Universe. Imagine! You and I are made of the same basic material as the cosmos. And yet, there may be more… This field of science is just starting to entertain an idea that has been a core tenet of almost every religion we know of.

In Hinduism, Brahman is the infinite, unfathomable truth, source, and mystery from which everything springs. A tiny piece of this vast unknowable truth coalesces or condenses in each of us as we are born and is our Atman. Like one facet of a gem, Atman is simply a unique outgrowth of Brahman.

Sounds curiously similar to a universal proto-consciousness field that extends through all time and space, no?

So, got all that? There will be a test at the end of the service and you cannot leave until you pass. We have: Chaos Theory, Astrophysics, Proto-consciousness, and the Hindu notion of Brahman.

And you thought the Intern just liked to talk about God ; )

Well, in times of trouble, I often to my beloved Rumi’s words:

“I’ve said before that every craftsman
searches for what’s not there
to practice his craft.
A builder looks for the rotten hole
where the roof caved in. A water-carrier
picks the empty pot. A carpenter
stops at the house with no door.
Workers rush toward some hint
of emptiness, which they then
start to fill. Their hope, though,
is for emptiness, so don’t think
you must avoid it. It contains
what you need!
Dear soul, if you were not friends
with the vast nothing inside,
why would you always be casting your net
into it, and waiting so patiently?”

That Chaos – the vast chasm between Heaven and Earth – between knowing and not knowing can be a scary place….. and…. Let us not forget that it can be incredibly insensitive… arrogant… to presume to tell someone that the pain and confusion they may be experiencing is merely a passing thing…. that chaos is normal. In fact, what good is any of this to someone who doesn’t have enough to eat? For whom a traffic stop is a life-threatening reality? Just as we seek understanding ourselves, let us not lose human perspective.

As a people of faith, we are called to live lives that are both humble, and also centered in hope and love.

As a people of faith, grounded in our principles, we are called to be that stranger who shows up when no one else will to provide a loving and compassionate presence.

Friends, chaos describes the natural state of things. It’s not to be feared, it simply marks the transition between known and unknown. In all existence, evolution or progress or change has only happened by moving from the known into the unknown. If change is inevitable, and if change represents the only opportunity for humanity to reach its highest potential in love, and if chaos is the name for this process of birth and rebirth, then let us embrace chaos.

Change finds us, ready or not. Things fall apart. Plans change, new truths are spoken for the first time, or heard for the first time. Whatever the reason, or if there is no reason at all, there is work to be done and we are not without the tools to do that work.

There is a world to be healed and we are not without hope.

Our Universalist forbears knew that there was a single truth so powerful, so redeeming, that it overcame any threat to ever face it.
James Vila Blake said:
“Love is the spirit of this church,
And service its law.
This is our great covenant:
To dwell together in peace,
To seek the truth in love,
And to help one another.”

We may not ever get the answers we so desperately seek.
We may not ever understand why bad things happen to good people.
We may be heartbroken, but as long as we have life to live, and love to give,
May we give it.
May it reflect from us as though we were a mirror to the cosmos – sending back the life force redoubled and filled with goodwill and gratitude for what moments of beauty we each held and shared in this life.

Beloveds, the path ahead will be both bitter and sweet. May we be reminded to comfort each other and to rejoice in community.

Through the chaos, there is love.

And love calls us on.

Amīn, Ashay, and Blessed Be

The Journey

The Journey

“From the day we set out on our journey there has been no place to seek….Student and master have never been separate, never. And yet we must journey to reunite them.” – Daijaku Judith Kinst

We are more alike than different

A brief update from seminary…

I have long thought that all the people and religions of the world have laughably little that separates them. Of course you could rightfully say there is nothing laughable about the shitty behavior we perpetrate in the name of our religions, but early in my theological studies at seminary, I am heartened by the similarities I find in all of the major faith traditions.

In preparing for an upcoming intensive on Hinduism I am reading the Bhagavad Gita. “Song of God” is what Bhagavad Gita means. How beautiful, no?

Here is a quote from the forward that Aldous Huxley wrote in 1944 (During World War Two) for the version I’m reading. Huxley was an English writer and pre-eminent intellectual of the early 20th century.

He says:

“There will never be enduring peace unless and until human beings come to accept a philosophy of life more adequate to the cosmic and psychological facts than the insane idolatries of nationalism and the advertising man’s apocalyptic faith in Progress towards a mechanized New Jerusalem….”

“….happily there is the Highest Common Factor of all religions, the Perennial Philosophy which has always and everywhere been the metaphysical system of the prophets, saints, and sages. It is perfectly possible for people to remain good Christians, Hindus, Buddhists, or Moslems [sic] and yet to be united in full agreement on the basic doctrines of the Perennial Philosophy.”

Huxley published a book titled The Perennial Philosophy as a comparative study of the mysticism from Eastern and Western religions about this same time. I presume he found them to all be speaking of the same thing. Hmm… I think that’s where I started this post?

Guess that’s one more book for the reading list.

Later, my friend.

Be well.

What did you just call me?

I’m in seminary.

This is from the “Andy’s Hangups” file:

I had to look up the word Minister today after someone called me one.

I almost said, “well F you too!” but noticed she didn’t seem to think it was an insult.

Turns out, minister can be a verb that means “to give service or aid to someone.”

In other contexts, it can be a political representative or government functionary, i.e. “Minister of Education, or Minister of Magic.”

Disclaimer *This is my blog, and as such, is a repository for my take. My thoughts and opinions are just that - my own. I come in peace, and am doing my best to make sense of it all just like you are*

I thought it meant sweaty, hypocritical asshole.

Oy vey.

I promise I’m trying here. When will I be discovered as a fraud?

I just want to make the world a little better place and understand why we’re here.
Why I thought learning religion might help, I have no idea. That certainly wasn’t my experience with it growing up.

Until next time… Gotta go learn about how to preach.


p.s. I don’t actually think this about all ministers. I took a little license to illustrate a point. I have serious hangups around language. I feel like some words have been taken from me – from all of us, really. I’m in the midst of a journey to try to reclaim them. Am I alone in this?

You go rest. I’ll wait here for you.

I've lit this candle to do the work. You rest awhile.
I’ve lit this candle to do the work. You rest awhile.

Sometimes I want someone to do this for me.


Goodnight beautiful Sun. Rest.

Your body must ache from all that work.

Day after day you burn,

always shining, never asking anything from me.

Day after day, you show up

Day after day, you move

Day after day, you lie down knowing

Tomorrow must come and so you

Cheerfully plunge

Into darkness.

For me.

Tonight, you rest though.
I’ve lit this candle to help share the load.

Thank you for what you do. I see you. I appreciate you.

You rest.

I’ll wait here with this candle until you return.

Thank you

Thank you

Thank you

Should I quit my job?

This post is from my latest newsletter.

As I’m working on my book (round 2), I have begun to focus my efforts and my writing over at

I still plan to post here now and then, but this site is reserved for whimsy, random musings, and other inanity.

Meanwhile, I hope you’ll head on over to Prolificate and try my newsletter. You’ll be the first to get book updates, and you’ll have the opportunity to weigh in with your thoughts – you may even make it into the book. If you think I’m a complete idiot, tell someone! You can both have a laugh at my expense. Seriously, feel free to share.

I post about once a week about things like The Journey, Figuring out what you are really here to do, and tapping into the soul of your business to really make it great.

Here’s the article. Enjoy.

“Question: Is it better to stay in my soul-sucking job for the money and the security? My family is counting on me, and I do have some friends at this job and people that I like there–or should I quit and feel better, but give up the security and the money? Which is better–soul or security?”

I ask you the same question. Which is better–soul or security?

I left a six-figure salary almost 2 years ago for exactly this kind of reason. This year, I’ll be extremely lucky if I earn more than fifteen thousand dollars. The book I was writing turned out to be good practice, but the manuscript just wasn’t good enough or focused enough, so I threw it out.

Now I’m working on the chapter outline for a new book: Startups with Soul. It’s about the real secret to success–that secret sauce that some organizations just seem to have. That secret is soul. Just like an individual can have one, so can an organization. If fact, all organizations do have one. The best ones intuitively know this and embrace it.

Like my friend on social media, I knew that the jobs I’d held in the past weren’t me. They were perfectly good jobs–great even, at times, but while I made the big salary and the decisions for someone else’s company–someone else’s dream, I found that I was too comfortable. There was always a gnawing in my gut and a little voice in my ear that I tried hard to ignore. I filled my life with a hectic schedule, luxuries, and as many distractions as I could muster, but every now and then, when I was alone with myself and the background noise died down enough, I would hear that voice. The voice would say things like: “Come on, man, you’re better than this.”, and “Andy, the world needs the whole you–not this sanitized bullshit version that spouts off the same things everyone else spouts off about.”

I didn’t weigh in on my friend’s dilemma. I started to, but backspaced and deleted my response. It would have been just more spouting off about how important it was for him to listen to his inner voice and follow his dream.

Instead, I just read his post and smiled a knowing smile.

I can’t tell him what to do. Part of the process that I call finding your soul is about deciding when to fight like hell for your dream–for your vision, and when to just swim with the current and marshal your strength. He’ll figure it out for himself. I hope he does at least listen to that voice and hear it out. He can then make a conscious decision about how he will live his life. That–the conscious decision part–is the essence of the journey.

I’ll be rooting for him and cheering him on from halfway across the United States either way.

In the meantime, I’ll keep writing until the savings runs out or I crack this particular code. Either way, knowing you’re along for the ride with me is so very cool.

Someone please remind me of this when I’m on stage (Hopefully in the slot right before Seth Godin) giving my TED talk about Startups with Soul, Business with Soul, or how I lived for 2 years on rice and beans.

-What is your soul here to be?


p.s. My friend later deleted that post. Letting the world really see you is a scary thing.

p.p.s I do also enjoy the occasional cold beverage in addition to rice and beans. A man’s got to retain some semblance of dignity, no?

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